Leila

This poem is written after the death of a relative, who is beloved dearly by many, especially my cousin, who was deeply wounded upon her death. 

Hindi pa rin sanay ang puso mo tuwing umaga sa pag-alala na hinding-hindi mo na siya mahahawakan sa iyong tabi

Nasanay ka na, na sa iyong bawat paggising, ang malambing na tinig niya ang parati mong unang naririnig
Na mga haplos niya ang unang dumadampa sa iyong gunita na halos parating hilo at lito mula sa maghapong pag-inom
Na mga labi niya ang unang dumadapli sa iyong makasalanang templo, na hindi mo maigalaw sa magdamag na pagtakbo at pagsigaw
Siya, siya, siya ang parating nauuna.
Siya, at siya, simula pa noong una.

Hindi mo na alam kung ilang araw at gabi ka na bang nangungulila
Apat? Labinlima? Singkwenta?
Ang alam mo lang ay nag-aantay ka pa,
Na sa bawat pagkurap mo ay inaasahan mong nandyan sa siyang muli, na buhay at nakatitig muli sa iyo ang tila ngumingiti niyang mga mata
Na isang hakbang lang ay amoy mo na ang pamilyar na tiyak na parati mong akap-akap
Na isang tapik lang ay tiwala ka na siya iyon
Walang iba kung hindi siya.

Gabi-gabi mo nang inaantay ang pagbalik niya

Gabi-gabi ka na ring nalulunod sa pagtungga
Gabi-gabing umiiyak
Gabi-gabing nangungulila.

Hindi mo alam kung hanggang ito kailan
Hindi mo alam kung hanggang saan pa ang kaya mong mararating sa paghahanap sa kanya.

Ngunit alam mo naman, hindi ba?
Umiling ka, at bumarik muli ng isa pang baso.

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Good night

Three years later, but
I am here, still
Writing about you again
It’s a pity that I
Can’t drop you off my head
Questions burn inside my heart everytime,
every night
“Did I really love you?”
“Did I fall in love with you?”
Or is it all just in my head?
Am I just as stupid as I was before
For thinking about you
For writing poems about you
For believing that if you’d read this,
Someday, somehow
You’d know exactly that it’s always been you
It’s always been about you
But of course I know
I know that it’ll happen only in good nights,
In my dreams, when I think of happy thoughts
And suddenly, somehow, you’re there.

Why really is this difficult to forget?
You’ve only been in my life for a fleeting 4 months
You’re not here, but you’re here inside me, always
And God knows how I wanted to write you off completely
I thought a poem pledging to forget you, would stir a gear
But it never did.

Naive, I still maybe am
Or maybe it’s just the night
Because this is when I think of you the most
Or maybe it’s because I yearned for lot of people
And perhaps you’re one of them.

I miss you, I thank you, and I love you
Please, don’t visit my nights again.

This Is Not a Drill: ‘Hixtape’  is Here, Hope World is Here

This Is Not a Drill: ‘Hixtape’  is Here, Hope World is Here

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After years of teasing the ARMY, J-hope finally did it! J-hope finally released his mixtape  a.k.a “hixtape” as fondly nicknamed by ARMYs. The “hixtape” though, is officially called Hope World by Big Hit, and it contains 7 great tracks that are all 쩔어/ actual bops. And to also make us suffer more, it came along with a dreamlike, fun, and upbeat music video for a track in the mixtape called “Daydream,” which features our hope, our angel, our sunshine, 정 호석, being himself, being Hobi – – – confident, and carefree, consistently provoking his fans throughout the whole music video.

(Here are links for streaming and legal free download for Hope World:

Streaming –

SoundCloud: (link: http://bit.ly/2oFgCiS) bit.ly/2oFgCiS

Spotify: (link: http://spoti.fi/2oHPdwW) spoti.fi/2oHPdwW

Apple Music: https://t.co/Pm6UwgFj9P?amp=1

Download-

Google: (link: https://bit.ly/2ovoi8m) bit.ly/2ovoi8m

MediaFire: (link: https://bit.ly/2owaKcq) bit.ly/2owaKcq

Dropbox: j-hope-Mixtape-HopeWorld.zipdropbox.com) 

Daydream MV is legendary, with J-Hope breaking his own group’s record for having 1M likes for a Korean music video in less than 2 hours, which was then occupied by BTS’s Mic Drop Remix with Steve Aoki which achieved the same number of likes in 4 hours. Even if you’re not a fan of BTS, or just K-Pop in general, this is still a highly recommended watch/listen because it’s just that good – – –  it has a veneer of positive and hopeful vibes above a slightly mature topic that has a very strong charm in it. If you haven’t watched it, here is it:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OK3GJ0WIQ8s

‘Hixtape’ Anticipation: Ready, But Not Ready

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Although Big Hit already announced that they will be dropping the mixtape on March 2, I still felt like I wasn’t prepared when it dropped, and it seems that none of us ARMYs aren’t that prepared either. Hours before 12 AM KST (Big Hit usually drops albums, music videos, etc. at this time), I was frantically scrolling through my stan twitter account, constantly checking the Hobi stan group chat in my DMs, refreshing both the BTS and Big Hit official accounts, for updates from members or the company and just making sure that I’ll be one of the first ones to see the video and hear the mixtape, just in case Big Hit decide to drop it earlier. My whole stan Twitter timeline was crazy. Almost all ARMYs are already making memes, videos, fan arts about the mixtape. We are already planning Hashtag projects, and streaming projects in Spotify, iTunes, Shazam, etc. Almost everyone is so hyped up, and excited, because of course, who wouldn’t? Hoseok has been teasing us for years, leaving some leaks and hint of Hixtape every now and then. It also doesn’t help that he would consistently tell us that the mixtape is dropping soon, and that we should look forward to it, giving us the impression that it is really dropping that soon, which is not the case every time. Whenever he mentions mixtape, everyone at twitter would be like, “Hixtape is dropping soon. I can feel it,” or “I really feel that Big Hit will drop it on his birthday. Just imagine.” But, every time, we end up disappointed, however, that does not stop us for being hopeful and hyping Hoseok, because I love him so muuuuch ehem the fandom love him very much and he’s  the perfectionist Hoseok, and so our expectations are so high. We also want him to get the attention that he deserves for his endless talents (he isn’t called Goldeb Hyung for nothing) and all his hard work, and efforts that he gives, for himself and for their fans. We are also anticipating for the completion of the mixtapes of the rapline, a.k.a “The Holy Trinity” so the hype was so crazy.

And so minutes before it dropped, our Hobi stan group chat was exploding with Hoseok’s pictures, hashtag updates, and countdowns. My hands were cold and shaking at that time. I was very excited and although I already knew that it is really dropping, I still feel so unprepared, in a sense. I don’t know how will I be able to handle it. And then there’s the streaming requirements for every platform there is, and I don’t know where should I be focusing. But more than that, I was worried about what will I feel. And just like that, amidst all the anxiety that I feel, it finally dropped. j-hope’s Daydream MV is out. j-hope’s Hope World mixtape is out.

‘Daydream’ Experience: Aesthetics and More Fan Theories

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I first watched the MV and I remembered myself placing my right hand on my mouth, because I was that awestruck. J-hope is so amazing. He’s so 멋있는데, just as like what Jin and Jimin said in their hype tweets for J-hope. And the music video and the track is just like his personality. Everything about Daydream is perfect.

My first watch of the MV was just casual. I was just enjoying the fun vibes of the music, the dreamlike aesthetic, and most importantly, my favorite person and visual in BTS, Jung Hoseok. He looked extra fine in the MV, as usual. At that first watch, I was just allowing myself to enjoy and feel everything. I was silently crying, and I never did that before for a music video, or any idol, or celebrity. I never cry because I never felt any personal or emotional connection with them. Also, in the past, I look at the artists’s craft more and the messages that they convey more than the artists themselves. But here, when it comes to Hoseok, I was even surprised myself that I’m actually crying. Crying, watching an artist. Crying, for someone who doesn’t even know that I exist. That’s how whipped I’ve become for him. I’ve even written a two-page letter for him for his birthday. I never thought that I would ever do that to anyone who doesn’t even know me. I thought I was going crazy.

In the second and succeeding watches, that’s where I started to pay attention to the little details of the MV. I started to connect and find similarities between Serendipity and this MV (stars, universe, etc.), I started noticing his outfit and hair style changes, the excellent transitions, etc. I also wondered who Arthur was. I later found out that it is actually a reference to Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams in which Arthur Philip Dent is the protagonist. You can read more about it here, if you’re interested: https://aminoapps.com/c/btsarmy/page/blog/daydream-mv-hidden-reference/J8kM_D8QhduJV4nrWvqpPLa4awBXM8El1N

“Say Hello To My Hope World”

Hop World COVER

All of the 7 tracks in the mixtape are all bops, and each one of the tracks present a different feel. And, if you really know Hoseok, you’d know that each one the tracks are very much like him, and they uncover different layers of Hoseok’s personality. RM was so right when he said that he could really see that J-hope finally his own voice in rapping, when he first heard the mixtape. I remember J-hope saying in a Bangtan log that he’s worried about his rapping, because he thinks that he’s rapping is not improving much, and so, he wanted to grow out of it, and aimed to grow and find his own voice, with the help of his hyung and friends particularly RM and Suga, who were underground rappers and started rapping at a young age, different from J-hope who focused more in undergrouns street dancing and only tried out rap when he joined Big Hit. I’m really glad that he finally found his voice. Also, he mentioned that he was worried about what messages he should convey because according to him, his lyrics are not that deep and philosophical as RM and Suga’s. He even said that because of this, he started reading books, watch movies, and listen to music, everything that would make him feel inspired in creating music, in order to convey his messages clearly. And after hearing the mixtape, I believe that he actually did that. He expressed some of his personal concerns in his tracks, and he did that by just being honest and confindent. There are also lots of literature references in his tracks, and I’ve yet to discover more, since I haven’t read all the translated versions of his tracks.

I loved all the songs! There is legit no bad tracks, in my opinion, anyway, because I love Hip-hop, and I love J-hope’s certain music flavor. He has a unique flow in rapping that I love and this is emphasized many times in many of his parts in BTS songs such as the Cypher series, Rain, Save Me, etc. He knows how to ride smoothly along with the rhythm, which might be the influence of his street-dancing roots. His music, is kind of Kendrick Lamar-ish/Cardi B-ish or perhaps even Lil Pump-ish, but anyway, it’s just J-hope, and as he always say, “Hope style.” He has a unique voice. Although I really loved all the tracks, my personal favorites are Base Line, Hope World and Daydream (I can’t help remembering the MV when I listen to this). Base Line reminds me of the powerful Mic Drop, 2학년, and Cypher pt. 2 which are some of my favorite BTS songs. And Hope World is just energetic and fun, and I usually fall for these kinds of songs. It lifts my mood so much. Hangsang is also so dope! Supreme Boi also has such a very nice voice quality, and he paired very effectively with J-hope. Their tones mix so nicely. I look forward to more Supreme Boi tracks because he’s really so good. I love his rapping voice so much. For Airplane, P. O. P pt. 1, and Blue Side (Outro),  I will be making an analysis for these songs in a separate blog post once I’ve read and understood the lyrics. From what I’ve heard, these are personal songs, so I’m excited to analyze them all.

I hope that you loved Daydream MV and Hope World as much as we, ARMYs did. If you do, let’s continue streaming, and let’s hype our sunshine Hobi, together. Thank you very much for reading!

Photo credits: BigHit Entertainment, Billboard.com