after sunsets

Let me remember how,
I find sunsets both dazzling,
and calming, at the same time
and I’ll tell you how
I pretend that sunsets do not exist now – – –
not through my senses,
not in my memory.
I wonder how
such beauty caresses a sting
on my furtive soul;
how can it bruise me too badly,
that I can still feel
the pain that it brought,
until now?
Can this pain, better be a scar,
at last?
I’m weary,
of embracing,
all the soreness, and
all the throbbing.
Wouldn’t you believe,
that such belle
would draw such wounds?
We often fall prey
to the hands of the graceful
and the comely.
Who wouldn’t?
Who would know that underneath it all,
we’re all inside the same unkempt
and broken home,
constantly looking for something,
and someone to love,
searching for healing,
needing attention,
and redemption.
But with all these wanting,
comes hurting.

All things beautiful, it seems,
may wrench us everytime – – –
even sunsets,
to which I fell in love with,
after deciding to gaze at one for too long;
in fact, I gazed at one far too long
that it end up hurting me.
I always keep it in me,
how it made my heart busy
beating like a drum, again, and again;
how, I searched for every shaft of light there is in it,
for I thought it was prettier,
and brighter, that way;
how I chased after it,
even after absolute darkness
sweeps it away.
I believe I will always be,
looking for that light
even after I decided not to see one again.

Dear You, 

You and I may pretend that nothing ever happened between us, but please still know that I miss you so much. I miss everything, and I’m not sure until when am I going to miss you. I understand that you had reasons. It dawned on me too, not soon after, that I couldn’t hate you for too long, even after all the things that I came across about the things that you did, because I loved you, and I think I still love you, until now. I do not understand what happened, at all. I wanted to forget you, but somehow I cannot, hence, this entry. I’m in the hopes that it will help me move on from all the memory that you left me. I really can’t understand why I still think about you all the time, despite not seeing you anywhere anymore. It’s confusing to think about you, because it makes me happy, sad, and angry, all at the same time. But, most of the time, at least, thinking about you makes me happy, and maybe that’s why, somehow, I can’t stop. 

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