On forgetting

It’s 2:05 am and I can’t sleep. Really, what’s new? I haven’t been visiting nor updating this blog for a while now, which is terrible on my part because I promised myself that I will be updating more frequently. It’s just that, I’ve been up to a lot of things lately. How I wish that I’ve wrote down something out of every, I guess, ‘groundbreaking’ experiences that I’ve encountered these past few months. Well, at least to me, they are groundbreaking. I can’t exactly say that I felt empowered for the most part, but I can say that I did learn a lot. If this doesn’t make sense to you, I can’t say if I made this intentionally this way so that I wouldn’t have to explain, or it’s just the way I want this to be. Anyway, why am I here? I need to vomit some words. 

I’ve been having troubles with communicating lately. With family. Friends. Myself. It’s like I’ve lost my way with words. I can’t find the right words to say, and so I let the silence fill everything important that I’m forgetting to say. I don’t know. Everything lately is all over the place. Even writing this piece feels like a complete burden. :(( I’m very pissed off because I can’t do anything productive or anything beautiful with this buzzing feeling. It’s like I’m forgetting to make beauty. It’s like I’m forgetting to make sense of everyday. It’s like I’m forgetting how to be really alive. I need, hmm, love, maybe? But I’ve been having lots of those everyday but still I feel this way.

I don’t know. I’m hoping to get better, soon. If you are with me, can we do it together? Can we pull ourselves up, gradually, together?

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