A rush of words that may or may not help

Time Check: 10:55 pm

Hi! I am just noticing that a lot of people are struggling real hard these days (with acads, work, and many other aspects), which is sad. My love language has always been physical. I’m quite good with words of affirmation however, I can only do a lot on print. I always couple all my spoken words of affirmation with physical touch because it just simply feels better. Anyway, I’m clingy and cuddly, and seeing all the people around me who are struggling or in pain is overwhelming to me. I want to hug them all at once, but understanding that not all people are fond of that, I just choose to do it to people who openly needs it. I also need a hug right now huhu. But you, you especially, needs a hug. You, who is broken and in pain. We deserve to be happy. Allow yourself to experience that by taking a break. I’m blessed to have people around me who are very encouraging and motivating, and so I am transferring this blessing to you. Stay strong, and keep going!


OK again and missing something

I figured out that I’m very good at cramming responsibly these past few days. I’m becoming more self-aware now of my limits, and I’m very thankful because this is always a good thing. So, why am I here? As usual, I don’t have an agenda for putting up many blog entries. Notice that most of my entries just turn out very messy and unstructured. But, anyway, I think I like it better this way, because it is reflective of my personality – – – how random, and haha, completely crazy I am. But, believe me, it is just my thoughts that are scattered. The things I own are decently organized. I keep records, I have a journal (although it takes so long for me to update it) , I put labels for a lot of my things, and also, most importantly, I rarely ever lose things. I lose things usually when my brain is at it peak of being squeezed too much. And I hate seeing mess, that’s why my destressing technique is to organize the things around me, and clean my space. It makes me happy when things around me are organized. It gives me the perception that my life is in order, still, and there’s still hope in everything although I feel such a mess, in reality. I want to pick myself together, piece by piece, and I want it ASAP haha. Because, it’s already hellweek. And I’m still stuck, and unmotivated, for some reason. My brain is just full of very, very trivial things, and it just don’t want to stop thinking about those. It seems like everyday, I just keep on adding new unnecessary information in my brain that I find myself being fixated to. I find it weird that I’m dealing with this issue at this important part of the semester.

Anywayyyy, my purpose. Are you noticing a pattern? I only post here when I’m sad or angry or excited or lonely. I can’t understand why I can’t write when I’m happy. Some people can, and I envy that so much. Forgive me for not blogging often. I take it as somewhat of a good sign, because that would mean that I’m happy, most days, right? I admit that I’m happy, in most days. I’m a very optimistic person, I can’ t help it, but the other reason why I’m not writing anymore is because I’m so caught up with university, volunteer work, organization work, and relationships. I’m so caught up with these things because they also make me happy. They put a lot of sense into my life. I hope that I can share why these things make me happy someday. No, I have to make it happen, and I have to be specific to do that. According to the motivation theory, the likelihood of doing a certain thing is higher when you make your goals more specific. So, I’m going to set up specific goals for myself to finally publish a myriad of happy entries.

I’m obviously not happy today, though. But, I’m not sad either. I just want to put here that I miss having slow, meaningful conversations. These days are just too fast for me. So many things keep happening in a snap. So many small talks. I just want to really talk with people, so much. I miss the intimacy of quiet, unrushed moments when the only sounds that we hear are coming from all the stories that we share. I miss all the tears, from happiness, or from despair, or frustration, or anger. I miss talking. I miss crying so much. I can’t cry these days because I have to be strong, since it’s hell week and there’s no time to be emotional.

If I cry, I lose, because that’s what always happen. I’ll keep fighting and I am keeping a promise to myself that I would not ever cry, again no matter what happens. Not when the semester has not yet ended. I’m going to keep a hold of myself. Or perhaps I miss the warmth of inom haha. I always tell myself that I won’t ever drink again but I keep doing it anyway, because things just keep happening.

By the way, I’m OK now. My last entry has been so bitter, but now, I’m OK, truly. Bitter feelings, to me, are supposed to be fleeting only. I should not allow it to change my character. I’ve learned, and that’s what matters to me. But learning doesn’t guarantee that we will not make the same mistakes again, right? I wrote this on our organization’s logbook. See, I’m all over the place. I’m a person who has a lot of inner banter inside, so I feel like writing, I write. Anywhere. Anytime. If I hold it back, I’ll explode. I’m saying that there’s always that possibiliy that I’ll make the same mistakes again, because, I know myself. I’m not very careful. I always see the beauty and everything, no matter how shitty people and things get. I always believe that people/things can’t really get this bad. But, I am always wrong. Also, however, I keep believing anyway maybe because this idealistic, starry-eyed creature in me still have faith in love and humanity. This consequently makes me very vulnerable to deception. You know, I feel like the universe is punishing me for being very naive, but I am too rebellious to actually learn. I am still very confused.

In Erik Erikson’s Psychosocial Development Theory, I’m still in the struggle of identity vs. role confusion (wow, I can’t believe that I’m actually dragging this into my drama), partly because I’m 19 yrs. old, but mainly because I just feel that I still don’t know what else I really want in life. I want to be a teacher, that’s for sure, but what else? What plans should I make? What paths should I am to take? How many are there? You see, I’d like to have a life that makes sense that’s why I can’t let a day pass without making or doing something important to myself and to the people around me. However, I feel like I’m doing myself a great disservice by not putting my all into everything I do. I feel like I’m easily exhausted when I have given so much into one thing that another thing gets left out. I don’t want that. Am I overthinking way too much on things haha? I think I am. You can disagree on a lot of points here. I’m undecided about most things.

So, long entry short, I am missing intimacy in real conversations. I understand that I can’t get this now given that my head is full and buzzing with requirements and I’m just longing for a long, carefree sleep (btw, I think I have insomnia). I’m slowly fulfilling this need through random chats and texts to the people I care about, and somehow, they make me feel better. Another important point that I want to reiterate: I’ m OK. slightsmile emoticon I don’t hate myself. I am back to my happy, excited and hopeful me. What happened is just an important phase that we all have to get through. If you’ve read up to here, I want to let you know that you are loved, by many people, however, ultimately, self-love is important so learn to appreciate yourself better each day by not beating yourself too much, or by planting insecurities in your heart by comparing yourself to other people. I’m saying this because I realized that many people who are close to me are struggling with the same battles. We are always struggling with ourselves, right? Know that it’s OK and things would turn out better, always.


This poem is written after the death of a relative, who is beloved dearly by many, especially my cousin, who was deeply wounded upon her death. 

Hindi pa rin sanay ang puso mo tuwing umaga sa pag-alala na hinding-hindi mo na siya mahahawakan sa iyong tabi

Nasanay ka na, na sa iyong bawat paggising, ang malambing na tinig niya ang parati mong unang naririnig
Na mga haplos niya ang unang dumadampa sa iyong gunita na halos parating hilo at lito mula sa maghapong pag-inom
Na mga labi niya ang unang dumadapli sa iyong makasalanang templo, na hindi mo maigalaw sa magdamag na pagtakbo at pagsigaw
Siya, siya, siya ang parating nauuna.
Siya, at siya, simula pa noong una.

Hindi mo na alam kung ilang araw at gabi ka na bang nangungulila
Apat? Labinlima? Singkwenta?
Ang alam mo lang ay nag-aantay ka pa,
Na sa bawat pagkurap mo ay inaasahan mong nandyan sa siyang muli, na buhay at nakatitig muli sa iyo ang tila ngumingiti niyang mga mata
Na isang hakbang lang ay amoy mo na ang pamilyar na tiyak na parati mong akap-akap
Na isang tapik lang ay tiwala ka na siya iyon
Walang iba kung hindi siya.

Gabi-gabi mo nang inaantay ang pagbalik niya

Gabi-gabi ka na ring nalulunod sa pagtungga
Gabi-gabing umiiyak
Gabi-gabing nangungulila.

Hindi mo alam kung hanggang ito kailan
Hindi mo alam kung hanggang saan pa ang kaya mong mararating sa paghahanap sa kanya.

Ngunit alam mo naman, hindi ba?
Umiling ka, at bumarik muli ng isa pang baso.

Good night

Three years later, but
I am here, still
Writing about you again
It’s a pity that I
Can’t drop you off my head
Questions burn inside my heart everytime,
every night
“Did I really love you?”
“Did I fall in love with you?”
Or is it all just in my head?
Am I just as stupid as I was before
For thinking about you
For writing poems about you
For believing that if you’d read this,
Someday, somehow
You’d know exactly that it’s always been you
It’s always been about you
But of course I know
I know that it’ll happen only in good nights,
In my dreams, when I think of happy thoughts
And suddenly, somehow, you’re there.

Why really is this difficult to forget?
You’ve only been in my life for a fleeting 4 months
You’re not here, but you’re here inside me, always
And God knows how I wanted to write you off completely
I thought a poem pledging to forget you, would stir a gear
But it never did.

Naive, I still maybe am
Or maybe it’s just the night
Because this is when I think of you the most
Or maybe it’s because I yearned for lot of people
And perhaps you’re one of them.

I miss you, I thank you, and I love you
Please, don’t visit my nights again.

This Is Not a Drill: ‘Hixtape’  is Here, Hope World is Here

This Is Not a Drill: ‘Hixtape’  is Here, Hope World is Here


After years of teasing the ARMY, J-hope finally did it! J-hope finally released his mixtape  a.k.a “hixtape” as fondly nicknamed by ARMYs. The “hixtape” though, is officially called Hope World by Big Hit, and it contains 7 great tracks that are all 쩔어/ actual bops. And to also make us suffer more, it came along with a dreamlike, fun, and upbeat music video for a track in the mixtape called “Daydream,” which features our hope, our angel, our sunshine, 정 호석, being himself, being Hobi – – – confident, and carefree, consistently provoking his fans throughout the whole music video.

(Here are links for streaming and legal free download for Hope World:

Streaming –

SoundCloud: (link: http://bit.ly/2oFgCiS) bit.ly/2oFgCiS

Spotify: (link: http://spoti.fi/2oHPdwW) spoti.fi/2oHPdwW

Apple Music: https://t.co/Pm6UwgFj9P?amp=1


Google: (link: https://bit.ly/2ovoi8m) bit.ly/2ovoi8m

MediaFire: (link: https://bit.ly/2owaKcq) bit.ly/2owaKcq

Dropbox: j-hope-Mixtape-HopeWorld.zipdropbox.com) 

Daydream MV is legendary, with J-Hope breaking his own group’s record for having 1M likes for a Korean music video in less than 2 hours, which was then occupied by BTS’s Mic Drop Remix with Steve Aoki which achieved the same number of likes in 4 hours. Even if you’re not a fan of BTS, or just K-Pop in general, this is still a highly recommended watch/listen because it’s just that good – – –  it has a veneer of positive and hopeful vibes above a slightly mature topic that has a very strong charm in it. If you haven’t watched it, here is it:


‘Hixtape’ Anticipation: Ready, But Not Ready


Although Big Hit already announced that they will be dropping the mixtape on March 2, I still felt like I wasn’t prepared when it dropped, and it seems that none of us ARMYs aren’t that prepared either. Hours before 12 AM KST (Big Hit usually drops albums, music videos, etc. at this time), I was frantically scrolling through my stan twitter account, constantly checking the Hobi stan group chat in my DMs, refreshing both the BTS and Big Hit official accounts, for updates from members or the company and just making sure that I’ll be one of the first ones to see the video and hear the mixtape, just in case Big Hit decide to drop it earlier. My whole stan Twitter timeline was crazy. Almost all ARMYs are already making memes, videos, fan arts about the mixtape. We are already planning Hashtag projects, and streaming projects in Spotify, iTunes, Shazam, etc. Almost everyone is so hyped up, and excited, because of course, who wouldn’t? Hoseok has been teasing us for years, leaving some leaks and hint of Hixtape every now and then. It also doesn’t help that he would consistently tell us that the mixtape is dropping soon, and that we should look forward to it, giving us the impression that it is really dropping that soon, which is not the case every time. Whenever he mentions mixtape, everyone at twitter would be like, “Hixtape is dropping soon. I can feel it,” or “I really feel that Big Hit will drop it on his birthday. Just imagine.” But, every time, we end up disappointed, however, that does not stop us for being hopeful and hyping Hoseok, because I love him so muuuuch ehem the fandom love him very much and he’s  the perfectionist Hoseok, and so our expectations are so high. We also want him to get the attention that he deserves for his endless talents (he isn’t called Goldeb Hyung for nothing) and all his hard work, and efforts that he gives, for himself and for their fans. We are also anticipating for the completion of the mixtapes of the rapline, a.k.a “The Holy Trinity” so the hype was so crazy.

And so minutes before it dropped, our Hobi stan group chat was exploding with Hoseok’s pictures, hashtag updates, and countdowns. My hands were cold and shaking at that time. I was very excited and although I already knew that it is really dropping, I still feel so unprepared, in a sense. I don’t know how will I be able to handle it. And then there’s the streaming requirements for every platform there is, and I don’t know where should I be focusing. But more than that, I was worried about what will I feel. And just like that, amidst all the anxiety that I feel, it finally dropped. j-hope’s Daydream MV is out. j-hope’s Hope World mixtape is out.

‘Daydream’ Experience: Aesthetics and More Fan Theories


I first watched the MV and I remembered myself placing my right hand on my mouth, because I was that awestruck. J-hope is so amazing. He’s so 멋있는데, just as like what Jin and Jimin said in their hype tweets for J-hope. And the music video and the track is just like his personality. Everything about Daydream is perfect.

My first watch of the MV was just casual. I was just enjoying the fun vibes of the music, the dreamlike aesthetic, and most importantly, my favorite person and visual in BTS, Jung Hoseok. He looked extra fine in the MV, as usual. At that first watch, I was just allowing myself to enjoy and feel everything. I was silently crying, and I never did that before for a music video, or any idol, or celebrity. I never cry because I never felt any personal or emotional connection with them. Also, in the past, I look at the artists’s craft more and the messages that they convey more than the artists themselves. But here, when it comes to Hoseok, I was even surprised myself that I’m actually crying. Crying, watching an artist. Crying, for someone who doesn’t even know that I exist. That’s how whipped I’ve become for him. I’ve even written a two-page letter for him for his birthday. I never thought that I would ever do that to anyone who doesn’t even know me. I thought I was going crazy.

In the second and succeeding watches, that’s where I started to pay attention to the little details of the MV. I started to connect and find similarities between Serendipity and this MV (stars, universe, etc.), I started noticing his outfit and hair style changes, the excellent transitions, etc. I also wondered who Arthur was. I later found out that it is actually a reference to Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams in which Arthur Philip Dent is the protagonist. You can read more about it here, if you’re interested: https://aminoapps.com/c/btsarmy/page/blog/daydream-mv-hidden-reference/J8kM_D8QhduJV4nrWvqpPLa4awBXM8El1N

“Say Hello To My Hope World”

Hop World COVER

All of the 7 tracks in the mixtape are all bops, and each one of the tracks present a different feel. And, if you really know Hoseok, you’d know that each one the tracks are very much like him, and they uncover different layers of Hoseok’s personality. RM was so right when he said that he could really see that J-hope finally his own voice in rapping, when he first heard the mixtape. I remember J-hope saying in a Bangtan log that he’s worried about his rapping, because he thinks that he’s rapping is not improving much, and so, he wanted to grow out of it, and aimed to grow and find his own voice, with the help of his hyung and friends particularly RM and Suga, who were underground rappers and started rapping at a young age, different from J-hope who focused more in undergrouns street dancing and only tried out rap when he joined Big Hit. I’m really glad that he finally found his voice. Also, he mentioned that he was worried about what messages he should convey because according to him, his lyrics are not that deep and philosophical as RM and Suga’s. He even said that because of this, he started reading books, watch movies, and listen to music, everything that would make him feel inspired in creating music, in order to convey his messages clearly. And after hearing the mixtape, I believe that he actually did that. He expressed some of his personal concerns in his tracks, and he did that by just being honest and confindent. There are also lots of literature references in his tracks, and I’ve yet to discover more, since I haven’t read all the translated versions of his tracks.

I loved all the songs! There is legit no bad tracks, in my opinion, anyway, because I love Hip-hop, and I love J-hope’s certain music flavor. He has a unique flow in rapping that I love and this is emphasized many times in many of his parts in BTS songs such as the Cypher series, Rain, Save Me, etc. He knows how to ride smoothly along with the rhythm, which might be the influence of his street-dancing roots. His music, is kind of Kendrick Lamar-ish/Cardi B-ish or perhaps even Lil Pump-ish, but anyway, it’s just J-hope, and as he always say, “Hope style.” He has a unique voice. Although I really loved all the tracks, my personal favorites are Base Line, Hope World and Daydream (I can’t help remembering the MV when I listen to this). Base Line reminds me of the powerful Mic Drop, 2학년, and Cypher pt. 2 which are some of my favorite BTS songs. And Hope World is just energetic and fun, and I usually fall for these kinds of songs. It lifts my mood so much. Hangsang is also so dope! Supreme Boi also has such a very nice voice quality, and he paired very effectively with J-hope. Their tones mix so nicely. I look forward to more Supreme Boi tracks because he’s really so good. I love his rapping voice so much. For Airplane, P. O. P pt. 1, and Blue Side (Outro),  I will be making an analysis for these songs in a separate blog post once I’ve read and understood the lyrics. From what I’ve heard, these are personal songs, so I’m excited to analyze them all.

I hope that you loved Daydream MV and Hope World as much as we, ARMYs did. If you do, let’s continue streaming, and let’s hype our sunshine Hobi, together. Thank you very much for reading!

Photo credits: BigHit Entertainment, Billboard.com


The 14th of February has already passed, but the breath of love is still wafting among the besotted and infatuated, the languishing, and yearning, the detached and unbothered. Want to lay stress on those feelings a bit more? Here are 10 OPM gems for you to listen in the remaining days of Cupid’s Month.

(If you want to listen to the songs while reading, here is the playlist.)

1. “BALEWALA” – BRISOM (2017)

This is the truest gem of them all. I was just randomly scrolling through YouTube when I stumbled upon this in the recommends after watching Peryodiko’s Tayo Lang Ang May Alam for the nth time. I never got tired of that song! And to end my fixation, I searched endlessly for many songs, until I found the music video for this one! I first noticed the flawless aesthetic of the music video, and when the first notes dropped, I knew that I was going to be in love. It has a distinctive 80s vibes (gated reverbs, synths, etc.) and I loved it so much, being an avid listener of 80s songs and music that exude this kind of vibe. Brian Brisom’s vocals yolked so much feeling to the song. It also helped that the music video has an interesting story line that also reminded me of the MV for Tayo Lang Ang May Alam. I highly recommend this one, as it will surely give listeners the verve and grit that they need. Why? Because this is a song for people who are afraid of breaking hearts (theirs or someone else’s) if they confess. Aren’t we all afraid?

2. “KATHANG ISIP” – BEN&BEN (2017)

When I first heard this song, I honestly thought that it was an Ebe Dancel track, because it sounded like one, and the vocalist reminded me of Ebe’s voice, so I went and checked it on YouTube, and although it wasn’t Ebe or Sugarfree, I found myself stucked and helpless. I watched the lyric video, and everything was beautiful. The painful lyrics, the heavenly vocals of Paolo and Miguel Cuico, the overall sadness of the music – – – everything. I scrolled through the comment section of the lyric video and found these comments:

“We’re so good at creating our own imaginary worlds – – – imagining things were like this and like that, and when we face reality, it’s clearly the exact opposite. It hurts, because it’s the truth.” –

“All we do is hurt each other, and call it love.”

3. “INDAK” – UP DHARMA DOWN (2012)

My favorite song. One of UDD’s classic. I’ve attached so much memories to this song, although those memories were no way related to the lyrics for the reason that I’m romantically naive and inexperienced. But, I sing/hum this song everywhere. In karaoke sessions, bathrooms, hangouts, etc. I sing it in whenever I got the chance. Maybe it’s because it just fits my voice quality nicely. Also, it has a unique beat, and instrumentals that’s why this is one of the songs that I just can’t stop listening to. The lyrics, and the way it was written is also quite uncommon, but I digged the uniqueness. I’m one of the lucky ones that had a chance to experience Indak live, and for free, in a silent movie film festival at Shangri-La. It was so nice seeing Armi Millare and the band up close, because I witnessed how agile their hands and fingers were in playing their instruments. And Armi’s voice is so lovely. I wished I could stay there and listen to Indak forever.


I immediately liked this one, because it’s Autotelic, and this band’s music never failed to make me happy (or break my heart) ever since I first heard Laro. I’m so lucky to hear them live, performing their new and popular songs along with thousands of fans at the 2018 UP Fair: Roots. Honestly, all of their songs are 100% recommends. Their songs have this nostalgic feel in them, but I can’t exactly pinpoint why. They remind many people of childhood and home.

This song is about loving someone too much, that you’re willing to swim across seas just to be with that person:

“Lamunin man ng alon handa ako

La-la-la-languyin, la-la-la-languyin

Tangayin man ng hangin

Maligaw handa akong

La-la-la-lakbayin, la-la-la-lakbayin”

If you want to check more of their songs (which will be one of the best decisions of your life), here’s their YouTube channel: Autotelic


The song title caught me first, but the music made me stay, being a sad alternative rock song-phile. The verses are also appealingly poetic. I have two interpretations about this song. It’s either about a) a concealed love of a person for someone, that’s just floating around in the air, like a paper plane or b) a forbidden love between two people. They are similar in a way that in these two cases, both are about someone waiting for a chance, to express their love, freely, just as how free a paper plane seems to be. However, free as it is, a paper plane is still fragile and vulnerable, like the love that they have. Aside from the verse I featured, I also like these, in particular:

Damdamin mo’y aahon sa tumigil na tadhana
Aabutin ng ‘yong palad ang hangarin
Makarating pa kaya sa kanyang piling?
Ika’y pumikit


6. “MUNDO” – IV OF SPADES (2018)

I keep reading and hearing about IV of Spades everywhere – – – in classrooms, twitter, IG stories, etc., and so when I stumbled upon Mundo, I removed all the distractions, and carefully listened to it, to see (or hear) what’s the hype all about. And I’m so thankful that I did that. Unique’s vocals, the bass, and the lead guitar is so gooooood. Their lead guitar is quite Hendrix-ish, and one of my favorite parts of the song is on 3:19 (this is where the guitar solo come in). Check out Ilaw sa Daan also, which is my personal favorite from them so far, because of the guitar riffs and how it reminds me so much of The 1975. Another song that you should really be listening to is Hey Barbara. The bass rocks hard in this one. Or, just simply check all their songs, because they have such a unique sound.

Here’s their YouTube channel: IV OF SPADES


A fun and sassy song! This song reminds me of sooooo many people, but aren’t we all feelingeros at some point? I love Isabelle’s vocals and her songs are so much fun. If you love this song, I also recommend:

1) 1 Week To Move On 2) Para Sa ‘Yo 3) Friendzone


This song reminds me so much of my crush since I was 16 years old, although the lyrics is in no way related to my relationship with him, because we never really dated, but… I still remember him so much now, and I guess I still like him a lot, and this song just reminds me how hopeless I still am with him, although I haven’t seen him for years. However, some of the lyrics of the song speak of how I feel about him, particularly this:

Ayoko na munang lapitan ka.

Ayoko na munang makausap ka.

I remember that I pretty much tried to avoid him whenever we meet back then, but I can’t because he’s been very friendly and he really tried to be close to me. I tried avoided him because I remember that what he made me feel back then was something new. And it was both sweet and uncomfortable.

I was a little suprised when I found out that this track is actually quite old – – – 13 years old, as of writing. It is an old gem, then. I’m pretty sure that you’ve already heard this song from here and there, but if you haven’t, listen to it. The bass riffs are so golden it reaches my heart every time. Please do listen to it now. Just a warning though: Be prepared to break your heart.


If there’s any song that I want to be playing in my wedding day, it would be this, or Noel Cabangon’s Kahit Maputi Na Ang Buhok Ko. It reminds of how magical love is. Mr. Danao’s only has his acoustic guitar, vocals, and lyrics, but the song is so beautiful. Everything about this song is so pure, and sincere, and I love the simplicity of it. Listen to Dapithapon also. It is equally as beautiful.

Here’s his YouTube channel: johnoy danao


This song should be the poster song of the mad and in love. I have never been truly in love yet, but this song always never fail to make me feel like I am in love with someone. Sweet and innocent – – – truly the anthem of the Cupid’s month.

Check out this cover by Keiko Necesario and Luis Cortez. It’s equally as sweet.

There you have it! I have a lot of songs that I wanted to add, but these are at the top of my head. If you have any songs in mind that you strongly associate with February or love, in particular, comment it down below.

Recommends: If you like this songs, please check out the YouTube channel of Wish 107.5. Almost all artists listed here performed their songs in the Wish Bus. Check it out, and watch other artists perform as well.

I hope you liked this playlist. Thank you so much for reading! – Angel 🥀